Tuesdays confront this nut with a spiritual challenge, but challenges aren’t always the worst thing. So I returned to school last year, full time, to earn the degree I always wished I had. My ‘professional’ career as a middle manager on large farms here in the Northeast was adequate for making ends meet, but the glass ceiling of my alcoholic mind kept me from achieving my real goals. I’m not even sure I knew what my real goals were. I’m not sure I know now. Well, whatever may be revealed to me in the future, of one thing I am certain. The wreckage in a bottle has little appeal today, yet barring a spiritual way of life, I know that dreck awaits.
So full time college enrollment this semester equates to 6 classes on Tuesday, 8am till 2:10pm, then an evening class from 6:30 to 9:30. Being on a 90/90 mission, and averaging 1.4 meetings per day, this one day a week gives colic to my infant recovery. Eureka! Odaat to the rescue. There may not be any meetings around between 2 and 6, but I’ve got you guys, my Mac and University wifi. No excuses not to post, and this is way better than sitting in the library doing statistics homework. This is also at least two standard deviations easier than writing out one of the 265 turnarounds for my 4th step. Oops, I think I just ratted myself out to myself. My sick self doesn’t want to, but my spirit knows that step-work is likely the highest and best use of any and all of my free time these days. Getting that list of names down felt like autopilot, they poured right out, transcribed from the inside of my guts (full disclosure: expression “resentments are written on the inside of my guts” comes directly from my sponsor, where he got it is anyones guess, probably his sponsor). Even the causes and affects part of those resentments came fairly easily. But turnarounds feel like a brick wall, and I know exactly why. When reading through the step, there is an action step in between writing causes and writing turnarounds that involves no writing. I need to pray for these people, and pray for willingness to put their wrongs out of my mind, focusing on where I had been selfish, dishonest, self seeking, and afraid. Well, now that I have explained to myself what I need to do, I think I might be able to manage a prayer and a little writing in the black notebook before Spanish class.
Chris S.
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1 comment:
pretty durn close. i couldn't make it on just blogging, but this is definitely a form of a meeting; it fits the bill for times like what you describe, when you just can't hit a live meeting.
i also believe that writing taps into the HP. when we share here, we establish conscious and unconscious contact with our HP. so at the very least, it counts as working the 11th and 12th steps.
by carrying the message of AA, and of gratitude specifically, we're helping each other stay sober.
cheers! and thanks for sharing.
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