Gratitude can be work sometimes

I've learned and continue to learn, that being in AA and trying to practice principles in all my affairs..... is work. Useful work. Skillful work. At times confusing and counter intuitive work. But work that always bears fruit. Just the fact that I haven't had a drink or done a bong hit, or been arrested, or wet the bed since 1993, proves that point. But I just want coast. I want to ride the success of the past and be lazy. Spiritually lazy. Emotionally lazy. Physically lazy. I want all the good stuff but I don't want to work for it (and at times even be grateful for it). What's up with that? What's that all about? Is it alcoholism? My alcoholic mind?

Actually it doesn't matter what that's all about. All I know is there's a way out. It's been laid out for me or anybody. When I stop for a second (this blog is the perfect venue for stopping for a second), I remember how grateful I am for the set of directions that not only help me stay away from booze or drugs, (I don't even think of drinking or doing drugs), they help me grow, and love, and work, and not be so angry/frightened, and be part of life (my life) that I was either running from, or railing against.

I went to a Halloween party last week. We're just grooving along and mixing in the crowd of costumed 40 somethings then....the party seemed to empty out. Turns out there was a "coke room" at the party. What is this 1989? I didn't know people actually still did coke. Anyway, I couldn't help but realize how grateful I am to be sober. Going into the coke room, and talking to coked up people had about as much attraction to me as I don't even know. No metaphor or simile can begin to describe how happy I was that I didn't need to go into the coke room to feel a part of, or to be cool, or to have fun.

So I've been spared the alcoholic/drug addict oblivion. What a daily gift. A true unmerited gift. I'm grateful that coming to AA, and continuing to turn my whole life over gives me a life I couldn't have even imagined (but always wanted). I'm grateful that I wouldn't trade lives with anybody. All I need to do is keep working.