I'm grateful... I'm grateful...I'm grateful....

I figure if I keep saying it I'll start to feel it. Maybe I should pray from some.

Remember when you first went to AA and you heard people talking about how grateful they are and how awesome everything is and etc. And you'd stew in your own juices and be like "what do I have to be grateful for? My life has imploded, I'm living with Mom, got no car, no money, no girlfriend. I owe money and have a court date and I'm unemployed and the cherry on top of it all....I have to stop drinking and doing drugs for the rest of my life. What the *&^@ do I have to be grateful for?" Turns out that kind of thinking is a prime symptom of alcoholism (and early days of sobriety). But the old guy in the back of the room looks at you with a knowing smile that's part kindness and part drill Sargent and says, "Hey kid. We all have something to be grateful for. Did you piss yourself today? Did you wake up with a hangover? Did you need to get bailed out of jail today? Do you have a warm bed to go home to?"

And then it happens. Slowly. Slowly. You start to look at things just a bit differently. "Oh yeah, I am grateful that I've got a roof over my head and I've got a shot at finally stopping running. I don't really think this AA stuff can work for me, but it seems to be working for other people and I don't have anywhere else to turn. And no, I didn't piss myself today and I'm not as ashamed as I was when I'd wake up after a bender. I'm starting to pick my head up and every once in a while I feel like maybe things will turn out okay in spite of all the crap that's going down" And then that little spark of gratitude goes away.

But it's these little blessings that help form the foundation. Gratitude bricks in the mortar of one day at a time.

I've been sober since 1993. I need this program now more than ever. And my co-workers are driving me crazy. I'm grateful for the spiritual tool kit.