Thanks I needed that

Boy I have a lot to be grateful for. But I can't feel it. Or I'm choosing not to pay attention to it. Or I'm getting some sort of alcoholic mind driven pleasure of looking around my pretty nice life and only seeing the stuff that I don't like. You know the stuff. The lights, the scenery, the actors. If they would only do as I wish....life would be grand. Or something like that.

If I had my way back in the day, my life was supposed to be bleak and dark and progress to a horrible end while I was trying to convince everyone how cool and happy I was. Back in the day I would have killed to have the things that are bothering now. The designer problems. The things that only bother me when I look though my myopic glasses of terminal self centeredness. Ah selfishness, self centeredness. Is that the root of the problem. Where have I heard that one before? So you mean to tell me that I'm not the star of my own movie? Or I can be the star of a really bad, lonely, confusing movie?

I've proven time and time again that I don't always know what's best for me. Ah the paradox. When I surrender and take those daily leaps of faith, remarkable things happen. But I keep trying to forgo the faith and arrange what I think is best, which paradoxically isn't. Thanks I needed that. I'm more grateful than when I started hammering on the keys a couple of minutes ago.